Dear Cadet (letter #1)

I know you’ll never get to read this, but I’m writing anyway.

Nakikinig ako sa mga kanta ni Taylor Swift in the past few days. Isa sa most played ay yung “I Almost Do”. Bagay na bagay kasi sa ating dalawa ito e. O baka sa akin lang.

I bet this time of night you’re still up.
I bet you’re tired from a long hard week.
I bet you’re sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don’t
I almost do,
I almost do.

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can’t say “Hello” to you
And risk another goodbye.

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It’s probably better off this way.
And I confess, babe,
In my dreams you’re touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.

Malapit na tayong mag-kita ulit. At heto ako, nagre-rehearse sa magiging pagkikita natin, pero alam ko naman na kahit ano pang practise ang gawin ko e ‘pag nakita na kita, mababalewala lang. Tangina naman o.

Alam mo, ini-isip ko kung bakit bigla mo na lang ako hindi pinansin. Pero ang lagi ko lang naiisip ay baka may issues ka pa na kailangan mong i-resolve; baka nakita mo sa akin na hindi pa ako ready…baka nga.

Sana ‘pag nagkita tayo, pareho tayong masaya na Makita ang isa’t isa…na goods tayo.

Okay lang naman sa akin kahit na hindi mo na ako yakapin ng mahigpit or i-kiss ulit yung hair ko tulad ng huli tayong magkasama. Kasi nga diba, “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice” at saka wala namang intersection point na twice daanan.

Sana ‘wag mong pairalin ang kasupladuhan mo pag nagkita tayo ulit. Sana Makita ko ulit yung dorky smile mo. Sana maging makulit ka, tulad nung magkasama tayo. Sana tulad nung nakita mo ako sa souvenir shop e ganun din ulit reaction mo pag nakita mo ulit ako after all these months.  At sana magkaroon na tayo ng picture na dalawa lang tayo. Sana…pero mukhang hindi e. Feeling ko may mga plans ka na kung anong gagawin mo pag nagkita tayo. Feeling ko susupladuhan mo ako, na you’ll put your cadet poker face on, at alam kong ayaw mo akong makasama. Pero alam mo, I’m still hopeful that things will turn out differently as we’ve planned and expected.

Cadet, lagi kang nasa prayers ko kahit na matagal mo na tayong hindi nagkaka-usap. May pasalubong ako sa ‘yo, more like kami ng mama ko sa ‘yo. Actually, hindi nga ito pasalubong, kasi request mo ‘yung crinkles from Baker’s Hill. Alam kong ‘yung pasalubong mong strawberries e para kay mama lang. Okay lang sa akin yung, nan diyan naman yung foster siblings ko para bigyan ako nun. Or di kaya, bibili na lang ako ng para sa akin.

Cadet, pangatlong beses mo na akong pina-iyak. Pang-apat o pang-lima na nga ata ito ngayong nagsusulat ako nito e, pero tulad ng dati di mo nakita.

Cadet, I miss you. Nasa isip kita lagi at nakaka-inis na. Gusto kong magalit sa ‘yo at the same time gusto kitang yakapin ‘pag nagkita tayo.

Like hell

I found a quote on my Facebook timeline and I decided to let my inner emo out because I was able to relate to the quote soooooooo much!

“I wanted to call him,” she said, “just to see how he was doing. But you can’t do that. You can’t talk to someone who held your heart in their palm and pretend it never happened.

“I wanted to as why it was so hard to get over him. I wanted to know if he felt pain like knives in his sides like I did. I wanted to know if he ever felt lonely when he listened to music, or if tihngs reminded him of the memories we made.

“I wanted to say that I couldn’t remember the sound of him saying my name anymore and sometimes that scared me but I knew it was important, and that our last kiss wasn’t anything like the movies, that it was so brief that the wind had swept it away before I’d had the chance to commit it to memory. I wanted to explain how now I’d forgotten everything apart from the wayhe made me feel, like I could do anything, like love wasn’t just for perfect people, like love could also be for me.

“So I wanted to call him, but instead I sat on the floor and drank shots like they were tea. To be honest, I don’t know if I still loved him, but then I suppose you have to love someone to miss them like that; like hell.” S.Z

The last two words struck me most. Like hell.

Like hell is a term from the Cadet’s LingoLIKE HELL simply means sincerely.

Here comes nothing:

You used to tell me “I miss you like hell” many times in a day, be it through texts or calls. And I’d tell you the same. And we both meant it. We were so far apart, but there was nothing we could do about our distance. That was in the summer. Too bad it’s not summer anymore.

You see, now I miss you like hell! But we don’t talk anymore. We used to not survive a day without having a conversation but now it’s been months since my last message on your Messenger. I don’t know what you look like now. And I don’t know how your voice sounds like. Hell, I feel like I don’t know you anymore or if I knew you at all.

We’ll meet soon, you see. I’m just not sure when, but we will see each other again. And I hope that when that time comes, I’ll be smiling at you not with the feeling of a knife twisting in my chest. I’ll be smiling. And if I don’t? I’ll be smiling.

Pick ‘N Eat Korean Food

There’s a new Korean food place in town! Pick ‘N Eat is located at Mercado de San Miguel. They open as early as 7am and close by 9pm.

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Everything on their menu is Php99! And what’s even better is you can order some of their items for half for only Php50.

My favourite Korean foods are kimbap, bulgogi, tteokbokki, and samgyeopsal.  But I had a budget of Php200 and I spent Php184 on kimbap, bulgogi, and apple shake. I’ll try their samgyeopsal next time.

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Kimbap~

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Kimbap, bulgogi, and kimchi in one frame.

I love how fast their service is. The crew were also nice. If you’re going to introduce yourself to Korean food, I recommend going to this place with a friend so you can split the bill and try more from their menu.

Destiny

Or written in the stars.

I’d like to think that we met for a reason. And that reason was for me to meet my dream guy. Yes, you are my dream guy. At least you were.

You know you were almost everything I wished for in a guy. Really. But when you were mine you said it yourself bitch that you’re mine and then you left without warning, I realised that it’s not you. Maybe someone like you, but not you.

Am I making sense?

With you, I learned that there are a lot of things that we think we want but when we are given the chance to have a taste of that thing that we want we learn that it’s not what we really want.

You’re a great person. I won’t deny that. But maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s me realizing that I need to sleep more so that I can have more dreams.

And Destiny, thank you. Stars, thank you for writing.

Flashback Friday

I have a cousin who loves to dress up and put makeup. So when I was 17, she gave me some sort of makeover with clothes from thrift stores and her makeup. We did a little photoshoot to remember that fun day.

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The white dress I’m wearing in that photo was from a thrift store. It’s H&M and we got it for like Php50 only!

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The blouse is also H&M and the shorts are Hurley, both are also from thrift stores.

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He and She (Part 1)

She was waiting for a 4-month summer vacation so that she could go out of town.

He was cruising. Bored to death brought on by the ship he was boarded on.

Both of them weren’t looking for anything extraordinary about this summer.

She waited for a year for this time of the summer to come.

He wanted this summer to come to an end.

It’s starting now, she thought.

Can’t this be over now, he thought.

He was visiting her city for the first time.

She was meeting someone like him not for the first time.

He was not looking for anything.

She was looking for everything she dreamed of.

And then she found him.

But he saw her before she found him.

Their eyes locked for what seemed like forever.

Well, yeah, he’s good-looking, she thought.

She looks like a nerd, but she’s cute, he thought.

And before they know it, they were talking, exchanging jokes.

She felt like they were the only two persons on that rooftop that summer evening.

He thought that they could stay like this till the sun rises and they’d be together just talking and not worrying about running out of anything to say.

She made him feel like he found what he was looking for, a friend.

He made her feel like she could just talk to him about anything and everything, that she had a friend.

In all of the evenings that he was in her city they were together. Until the time came when he had to leave.

She hugged him tight. He hugged her back even tighter.

She held his hand. He kissed her hair.

He assured her that he would come back. She said she’d go to him. They’d find ways to be together.

That Time I was “Doris”

Okay, let me being with saying that most people get my name, Dorcas, wrong. They think that it’s a surname or worse they think it’s a male name. And yes, I’ve ended up like more than two times on the male students’ list. But perhaps the worst case that I’ve encountered with my name was when I was 12 years old, in high school, one of my classmates thought that my name was “Door Case”. Anyway, I’m in college now and I’m grateful that my name is not as wrong any more. Except for that one time when I was a freshman. My name was, once again, in the male students’ list. I sigh.

Am I making sense?

Also from the recent film showing and short lecture by the National Commission of Culture and the Arts (NCCA) at the Provincial Capitol of Palawan, I was “Doris” for a few minutes. Okay, that was probably an hour.

A short lecture was given by Mr. Rodrigo Cornejo of the NCCA. He also mentioned that he used to teach at De La Salle University and at Miriam College. He talked about the media and how it’s related to culture.

Happy kid!

He asked if there were any communication students in the audience. And there were, as I was with some of my classmates. I raised my hand, because I’m that kind of student. He then asked, “Why Communication not Accounting?” and then handed me the microphone that he was holding. Of course I had to give an answer so I said, “I’m not very good with numbers.” And Mr. Cornejo said, “So she’s not good with adding or subtracting numbers”, which caused the audience and me to laugh.

It’s true though, that I’m not good with numbers. Whenever I try to account my money, I always have deficit. I cry.

He then went back to talking about the perks in taking up communication which were:

  • Love to write about life
  • Desire to make an impact to the society
  • Wide career opportunities.

And then he turned to my direction and asked what my name were. I said “Dorcas” but he was a few feet away from me. He must not have heard clearly, so he said instead “Doris”. So, for the rest of his lecture he was telling me, “Oh, Doris, pakinggan mo ‘to ha. Makinig ka.”

After the lecture was over, it was time for an open forum. I raised a question that has been bothering me for days. I wasn’t so sure what my exact words were, but I remember saying “One of my instructors said that there’s not concept of Filipino nation, because a nation has to have the same culture, language, and religion. What can you say about that?” And then a debate started. Most of the people who answered my question were saying about citizenship, territory, and the Philippines being a state and that’s the Filipino nation.

I must say, I wasn’t satisfied with their answers, except for when the program was over and the photo-op part began. Someone from the academe who answered that it’s about the regionality(?) of the Philippines that make the Filipino nation said that, it is true there’s no concept of the Filipino nation because we don’t have the same culture, language and religion. I rest my case.

Happy me with Mr. Rodrigo Cornejo.

Happy kid!

The event was rather short. I enjoyed watching the documentary as well as the [very] short lecture of Mr. Cornejo. He was so cool!

I will remember though that time when I started a debate.