This year has been the year when I began “adulting”. I know, such a millenial term, but it is what it is.
This year I took up two internships, was able to graduate from university with honors, got a job offer from one of the companies where I took my internship, went to new places, got to expand my network, and tried to re-connect with Jesus.
It’s been a roller coaster ride. There were ups and there were downs. I cried a lot of tears for sure. And had an equal amount of laughs. And I can’t believe that this year is about to come to an end.
I’m gonna have to be honest here, I wasn’t regularized after 6 months at my job but my probationary period was extended for three months. But on my 7th month, I was re-evaluated and improvements were seen so I’m hopeful that I will be regularized so I can enjoy the benefits of a full time employee.
So, I am a receptionist and administrative assistant. That is quite hard to admit, honestly. Because people have expectations from me. My friends and classmates think that I’m a researcher. I’m not. This is not a high paying job. In fact, I am underpaid. I answer so many calls in a day that I don’t want to talk over the phone with my mom, and I serve coffee and water so much more than I can drink in a month.
So what am I saying? I don’t even know. I just want to let things out. Some things at least.
Okay, maybe I know what I want I just don’t know where to start.
I remember during my job interview last summer, I said that I want to do research and to write because those are the things that I want to do. But the available position was that of the receptionist/administrative assistant. I was told that “Well, at least you have your foot in.” A week into my job, someone came in for the advocacy research associate position that I was initially offered. My heart broke and then I thought maybe I just need to give this position a few months and I’ll take it from there. Few months in, nada. And on my 5th month, the worst happened.I was not regularized. Someone gave me a low rating. The recommendation was to extend my probationary period for 3 months. So I went on to two job interviews. My birthday just passed then. And I as looking for another job. The uncertainty, the anxiety, it was all too much for me. It was depressing, even just thinking about it now.
I don’t look down on my fellow receptionists/administrative assistants. It’s just that I want to do something else. And that something else has got to do with writing and research but with me answering calls and serving coffee, it’s just so hard to do.
And believe me, I’ve tried. But my offer was turned down and that disheartened me. I didn’t offer to help the next time.
I am not telling this to my bosses because I wouldn’t want them to see me as someone who is just complaining and not being a solutions person. Because in reality, no one cares. Just do your job and do it well.
It’s been almost a year [including my internship] with this company and I have not been so disappointed in myself. I have not been so disheartened before as much as now.